So, 3D on the 3DS then. It’s good. Not just in games though. Oh no, some of the very most fun stuff so far is to be found lurking amongst the plethora of in-built 3D toys, games and general tools of tomfoolery coded into the handheld’s dashboard. Nintendo really wants to show this tech off in the coolest, most imaginatively Nintendo-y ways possible.
We however, want to shoe it off in the most GamesRadar-y way possible. So we’re going to show you how to put boobs on anything you want. Anything. Actual 3D boobs. Ladies and gentlemen, the evolution of video game breastery has taken a quantum leap forward this day.
Video game boobs: The current state of play
2D boobs have been around forever. They’re not much good.
Above: Not much good
Pseudo 3D boobs are better, but they’re still not massively convincing. Also, we’re still at the whim of game developers here. The boobs will be as big or small but always ludicrously big as the devs choose them to be. What we need is real 3D video game boobs that we can sculpt to our own liking.
Above: Bloody ludicrous
And would you believe it, but here comes family favourite Nintendo with the next-generation mammary generation you crave. Tomorrow’s technology today, people.
Here’s how to use it.
1. Accessing the tools
The first thing you’ll need to do is open up the AR games section of the 3DS dashboard. This is where you'll find all those amazing augmented reality games that bend your very perception of what’s real. In the 18th century anyone found communing with them would have been burned as a witch, but now they’re clearly just awesome. That’s progress right there, friends.
Above: It begins
Anyway, whip out the main AR card (the one with the Mario block on it), put it down on the flat surface of your choice. Recognising it in a composition is what tells the 3DS camera where to start augmenting things. It's really simple. Just follow the on-screen instructions and have a play. Take your time. You’ll be gurning like a fool and cooing with amazement over it all for quite some time. We were.
Above: Coo! There's game bits on my desk and everything!
Done cooing? Good. What you need to do now is play through that first set of AR games, completing each one once. You’ll then be rewarded with a surprise new box. It's the little blue one in the bottom right of the above shot. Open it and you’ll be presented with a new set of AR games, which need to be unlocked with Play Coins.
Above: Secret games. We could go to prison for blowing this lot. But we won't
You earn these by using the 3DS’ in-built pedometer, so if you haven’t got any put the thing in your pocket and get walking.
Done? Good. Now unlock the 3D Tools option with your coins.
Above: So close to pixel-nips now
2. The set-up
Right, now you need two things. An image (or person, or thing) to boobify, and that main yellow AR card again. Place the AR card roughly in the area of your imaginary soon-to-be cleavage (you may need some Blu-Tack if your boobing scheme requires the defiance of gravity, as video game boobs so often do), load up 3D Tools, and get the 3DS focused on the card again.
3. Get boobing!
Right, now just line up your 3DS’ 3D cameras so that your subject is centred in the screen. Here, we’re using famously gender-confused egg-blowing dino thing Birdo, for no reason other than to horrify you into a coma from which you will pray you never wake.
Above: It might be the stuff of your nightmares, but Birdo has dreamed of this operation for years. Don't judge
Now you’ll want to choose a 3D tool. These things raise and lower the surface area of the 3D image as you paint over the bottom screen with the stylus. Choose a smaller brush if you want to layer the boobs up carefully or add deftly crafted nipple detail (you filthy animal), or the chunkier tools if you just want to smash on a big unsubtle pair of Ivys. Then get scribbling away.
Above: The quickest choice for the bigger boob in a hurry
It’ll take a bit of trial and error, as the camera image isn’t displayed on the bottom screen. It’s all relative though to the position of the card though, so it shouldn’t take too long to work out exactly where you want your boobs going. You can actually afford to keep the card quite a way out of your main composition.
Above: Top surgeons get paid thousands for this. I do it for free
4. Et voila!
Above: Words can't bring her down
Boobs! On a thing! A thing that didn’t have boobs before! Now press L or R to take a photo and preserve your tasteful 3D tribute to the human form. You know, for showing your mum when she asks what you made at school. Or for showing your parole officer or assigned job centre worker as evidence of how you’re keeping industrious or integrated into society. Or, you know, just for the special times.*
*We guarantee nothing more than special desperate tears of loneliness and feelings of utter, existential defeat. For f*ck's sake, you're making video game boobs with a magic 3D Nintendo camera, you sicko.
March 24th, 2011
free games Free Online board Games Game Designer Video Games Centre
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